Arriving late and somewhat confused, new FPC quarterback The Dutchman led the team to an 21-8 opening day win over the Dirty Birds. The Dutchman tossed three TD passes and silenced the critics who had taken to calling him Captain Stupid during a tumultuous offseason. Patrick The Burns opened up the scoring with a 20 yard TD reception on the first drive. Free agent signee Willie D. also caught his first TD and had a number of nice catches on otherwise questionable throws by The Dutchman. Meatballs Myura broke through a terribly confused Dirty Burns defense for a 50 yard TD reception that basically ended the game.

With the return of franchise sack legend L. Train Engleman, the new Burnsless defense looked sharp holding the Dirty Birds scoreless...that is...until The Burns demanded a return to MLB. That prompted the defense to quickly give up a TD and the ensuing 2 point conversion. It was The Burns' final defensive appearance and the fans cheered appropriately. L. Train registered 4 sacks on the day tying the record he set 4 years ago.

On special teams, Mitts knuckle kicked three extra points and Feaster was politely excused from ever returning kicks again for the rest of his life.

It was the first opening day win since 2000 when the team went on to finish 8-1.